Forgiveness
The Power of Forgiveness: Healing After Bad Things Happen
When people talk about forgiveness, it’s easy to dismiss it as just some cliché advice or something you would read in a self-help book. For me, it became very real the night a drunk driver flipped my life upside down. Before the accident, my life revolved around swimming, school, and chasing my goals. My dad was my biggest supporter. I’ll never forget that night, we were driving home in his old Mazda RX7 after grabbing takeout, just five minutes from home. Out of nowhere, a drunk driver hit us. That decision altered everything. My swimming career? Delayed. College recruiting? Postponed. Even my academics took a hit. One bad choice derailed my life.
I woke up in the hospital, barely able to move, and learned my seatbelt had failed. The driver who hit us was over twice the legal alcohol limit. My dad and I were lucky to be alive. At first, all I felt was pain, anger, and this heavy loop of resentment. It would have been easy to let that anger define me. No one would have blamed me if I did—it felt justified. But I realized I couldn’t let someone else’s reckless decision dictate my future. That’s when forgiveness became real for me. It wasn’t about letting that driver off the hook. It was about choosing to free myself from the weight of resentment.
Renewing My Mind
As I was working to get my life back, I focused on a specific verse, “Be transformed by the renewal of your mind” (Romans 12:2). That verse became a lifeline. It reminded me that while I could not change what happened, I could change the way I processed it. Forgiveness was not about ignoring the pain or pretending everything was okay. It was about shifting my mindset to move forward. That verse was also foundational to the inspiration for creating MindMend8, a platform that helps others use the power of language and perspective to overcome their struggles, including pain and other areas where the brain causes them to perceive painful situations.. Language, both in our heads and out loud, has so much power—it’s what helped me stand up emotionally even when my body was struggling to heal.
How I Chose Forgiveness
Forgiving the person who hurt me was not easy. It didn’t happen overnight, and it’s not like I just woke up one day and everything was fine. Forgiveness was a process, one that I had to commit to daily. Here’s what helped:
Acknowledging the Pain - I had to be honest with myself. I let myself feel the pain, grieve the losses, and sit with how unfair it all felt. There was no avoiding it—I had to face it.
Finding Perspective - I tried to imagine what led someone to make that kind of reckless decision. It wasn’t about excusing her actions but about understanding her humanity. It also made me think about her family—this accident must’ve impacted them too.
Separating the Person from the Act -The woman who hit us was a stranger. She made a terrible choice, but that didn’t mean her mistake had to define both of our lives forever.
Choosing to Forgive - Forgiveness was a daily choice. At first, I just said it out loud: “I choose to forgive.” It felt hollow at first, but over time, it started to feel real. Eventually, I felt peace instead of anger.
Taking It Day by Day - Some days, the resentment crept back in, but I’d remind myself why forgiveness mattered.
What Forgiveness Gave Me
When I read my victim’s statement in court, I realized I wasn’t angry anymore. I even felt compassion for the woman who hurt me. That doesn’t mean I was okay with what she did, it just means I saw her as a human being. Forgiving her didn’t erase what happened, but it allowed me to focus on healing. That choice to forgive brought real change. My anxiety lessened, I started sleeping better, and even my physical recovery sped up. More importantly, it gave me the space to rebuild my life. I got back to swimming, finished school, and launched MindMend8. Forgiveness isn’t about forgetting. It’s not about excusing someone’s actions or letting them avoid accountability. It’s about freeing yourself from the anger and bitterness that hold you back. It’s about taking back control of your story.
That’s what I found in forgiveness, and I hope you will find it too.